Korey Germany
My grandma used to take us to church. We would go to her house, 7 to 9 grandkids, stay the night, and she took all of us there the next day. I was 4 to 6 years old at the time, remember sitting in the pew and attending Sunday school class. I don't remember what was taught or said, but I have a memory of being there. She would give us a couple bucks to put in the offering basket, and I participated in the Christmas play as a sheep for the Christmas story. So seeds were planted. And then, at some point, at around 8, 9, 10 years of age, we all chose not to go to church, and grandma was the only one walking in faith. I always believed in God, always believed in Jesus, it was just in me. The one thing I remember is that God loved me and he was real.
I grew up in Kent, WA, moved out of my parents' house when I was 16, 17 and lived on my own from that point on, basically, sleeping on my aunt’s couch. I didn't graduate, but did get a GED, went into security, drove for Metro and then sales for a software company. I became reckless and rebelled. I was deceived and thought I was a good person who believed in God and that I was saved. But I didn't have a relationship with him. I chased money and success and thought the things the world sells were going to fulfill me and make me happy. I lived my life my way, partied, drank, chased women, and did not like authority. Everything I tried to do to make myself happy or pursue or fill myself with just left me empty. I was in so much despair and hopelessness because I had achieved everything I thought I wanted or needed for a happy life. Six figures for somebody who didn't graduate, got a GED, had no vision for his life. But I was lost and broken because after 30 years on the earth, if this was all life had to offer me, I did not want to live. I fell into $16,000 of credit card debt and I knew it was holding me back from whatever’s next in my life.
Then COVID hit, and I saw an Instagram video by Pastor Michael Todd from Transformation Church in Oklahoma City. It was his Relationship Goals video that went viral and it kind of pricked me in the heart. I'd been living my life believing in God but it's been empty. I got to find out if he's there. It led to two years of seeking.
I was at the end of myself, and I began having mental breakdowns for the first time in my life, in October of 2023. I was hearing voices, suicidal thoughts, and I knew it wasn't my own voice, but I was beginning to believe the lies. One day I was ready to give up, I threw my Bible down and it opened to a study guide, 15 minutes of quiet time with God, and it was about journaling. I hadn't tried to journal yet, and I really hadn't read my Bible. I was listening to sermons online because I thought that was “seeking”. I didn’t have anyone around me to teach me.
So, I sat down and tried this journal, alone in my apartment, and I said, in my heart, Lord, God, if this doesn't work, I give up. I need you to meet me where I'm at, and if you don't, then I'm going to give up. I didn't really know what that meant at the time, whether I was actually going to go through with committing suicide, but I was probably going to be drinking my life away, partying, and continuing on with what I was trying to avoid.
The first step was to meditate on scripture, so I meditated on the verses it gave me. The second step was to ask God to put a worship song in your heart, and I was not listening to worship music at that time. So, I was in disbelief, like, I didn't actually think this was going to happen, but I just said, okay, God, if you can, will you put a song in my heart? I sat there in my bed, and waited, and all of a sudden, a song and lyrics began to impress upon my heart. I googled the lyrics and a worship song pops up. At that moment, I started gaining faith. “Oh my gosh, this is really happening”. I press play on the worship song, a video starts playing, and the presence of God fills my room. And all of the pain, sorrow, and loneliness left. All I felt was His love, and His joy, and His peace. I was so in awe. I said out loud, “oh snap, this is really happening”. It was the greatest day of my life. I remember sitting in His presence, I knew it was God and I felt so loved.
The next step was to ask God to lead me to a scripture, so I asked Him, okay, God, what do you want me to read? Luke 14 came into my mind and I wrote it on the page with a question mark. As I started turning to Luke 14, the Holy Spirit was telling me to write exactly how I felt on the page. I didn’t know it was Him of course but I felt compelled to do so. My first journal entry with God is: “Why does it feel like I've been tirelessly pursuing God more than He's been pursuing me?” As soon as I wrote that, I had the clearest thought: look at the bottom of the page. There was Hebrews 13, 5. The second part, which says, For the Lord has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you. As I read that, it felt like He was speaking it right into my heart. I turned to that verse because I knew I was supposed to go there. This verse says, in NLT: Don't love money. Be content with what you have. For the Lord has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
I went from feeling suicidal to immense peace and joy in one moment with this encounter, and I have been free ever since. It was like the realization of something I’d been longing for my entire life. God gave me an image of a calendar with a date circled, like he was saying I’ve been waiting for this day your whole life. I knew that everything was going to be ok with God. Now, I’m unafraid to proclaim his name and to love people the way he loves because I know how real He is, and how every facet of my life has been changed by Him. And I want others to experience that too.
Now, Jesus is the center of everything and influences everything I do. I'm pretty shy normally. The boldness that I live with is only by the Holy Spirit. I don’t put on different masks when I go to different places. I am who I am, who God has created me to be, and I am fully accepted by Him. I now see everything as ministry. I see everything as being on mission with the Lord. Wherever I go, it doesn't matter if it's work, the grocery store, wherever. I'm trying to live my life for God in every single place and space that I go. Before I make a decision, I try to pray and seek his guidance. When I talk to someone, I listen for the Holy Spirit to guide me. I rely on him as much as I know how in every way possible.
The hardest part about walking with him so far has been learning to suffer well, not hold grudges, forgive people quickly, and not act out in vengeance when I've been wronged or when somebody has sinned against me.
Some of the best ways we can love people is to be curious about them. If somebody has a different belief, even if they're aggressive about it or just completely reject God, I'm curious why. The truth always prevails. When I ask people questions and hear them talk about what they believe or why they don't believe, there's usually a string attached to that, which leads to the root of what happened to them or where that disbelief is or where they've been hurt. Half of the time, people don't know what they believe.They just repeat things that they've heard. So I think curiosity is really a good way to engage with others. When it comes to outreach, I was talking to people on the street on my own and when I got into the church, I felt like the Lord led me to do homeless outreach.
My advice is don't wait to believe in Jesus. Give your life to him and don't look back. I think about that so often, especially when I first got saved. I was 30 when he saved me and I was so upset at myself for wasting so much time. I beat myself up for a while until finally the Lord showed me Psalm 139:16: Before a single day has passed, all of your days were written in my book. So while I was beating myself for feeling guilty about the time I'd wasted, God knew. God saw it before I lived it. And he is the redeemer of all time.
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